**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i dont even know how to be here
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
