i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
me + whiskey = a bad person
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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