I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
