why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
