the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
