Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
