OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
