I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
