none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
did you just send me my own nude
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
