i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
