Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
