Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
