LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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