whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
