I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
