All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
