it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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