i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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