Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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