i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
