can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
