THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's just like the Real World with babies
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
