she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
