i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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