I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
