she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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