He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
