You're completely useless in the revolution.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
