i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
