i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
