i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
