why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
