Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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