Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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