I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
