she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
