i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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