I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
