I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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