She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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