im so drunk with asians
where?
always
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
