How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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