): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
