Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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