so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
