do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
