i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
