I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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