dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
