Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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