My hair reeks of homosexuality.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
