the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
