She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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