I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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