You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
