I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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