Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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