Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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